A lot of things have happened. Too much to really name or want to name. And I've realized that my guide's goals are basically the most important thing in my life, a lot more important than other things that I value. I know that it's not a quick, convenient journey to go on; he never promised that kind of thing to me. Quite the opposite. There'd be much wandering and some difficulties. But I really believe in what he has promised me - that I'll be where I need to be, and the vision of that place is a lot better than what I have now. I know this will take time, probably a few years to completely resolve everything properly, but I'm willing to take the time to properly resolve my problems and get my life together.

I think I'm starting to look towards the future and actually act like I will have a future and that I won't die prematurely through one means or another. If I could remove any part of my life, I'd probably remove the past five or six years, except for a few minor things, and redo it all over again in a different way. About six years ago, I was doing a lot better and showed promises of being able to live a lot better and resolve things. I had some kind of sense of peace, liked who I was, and was not very corruptable. Inbetween those years, I've lost that sense of peace, came to hate myself, and have become very corruptable. I had become too weak. The last six years isn't the way that I would live if I had to live that way for eternity. I've been set the task of rebuilding myself and finding a lifestyle that will keep me surviving for a good long lifespan and be something that I'd actually want to do for eternity if I have to live that way for eternity. It's a big task and will probably take years to finish building it. But I'm happy that my guide has been pushing me to do this kind of thing. After starting this journey about six months ago, I'm starting to see some noticeable improvements in myself in the last month, but there's still so much to do. There's still that hole in my being that wasn't there six years ago that I need to do something about so I won't be so empty. I look forward to working on all of this. I'm already starting to do better than how I have been doing for the past year or so, and some people are actually starting to notice it.