I had two garage sales this weekend. I spent some time with Kaylin there and setting it up. Just sitting outside with her and her sister was the most amount of peace that I've gotten in a long while.

I just realized tonight that Kaylin has basically been a guide on the physical plane to me ever since the trouble started. Every time I saw her, even though it wasn't often, she was trying to build up something stronger in me than "Here is the answer; go do it or believe in it." My spiritual guide may have started the process and still shows me some things in my dreams, but Kaylin has also been helping it along and basically trying to do the same thing in a different way. Just spending the past few days with her talking about things have made me realize how much she ends up echoing my guide very closely in some respects.

If you're around the wrong people for long enough, you begin to absorb their bad habits. Even with good people, you can absorb their bad habits if you aren't careful enough. Most people simply try to correct you or get defensive. I've had enough people try that one on me for years and years. That is a bad, bad thing when you lose too much of your strength. All I've been doing in the past few years is basically playing the roles that other people expect me to play and actually believing that I am that role until someone hands me a new role and I become that one. It eventually ended up in someone making me believe that I was the anti-Christ last spring, and I had a major breakdown. I said a bunch of things I shouldn't have said and ended up finding that I didn't mean it since that was my role I was being pressured into and not much else.

When Kaylin got enough of my depression, she basically said, if that's your answer then that's your answer. She made little attempt at correcting or defensiveness. She didn't show me any more bad habits that others were showing me. She just kinda seemed to know that this, too, will pass eventually since they were traits I usually don't have (and most of them I never really had before). She just didn't want me to think bad of everyone since I was really extremely bitter about the anti-Christ bit and perhaps some other things that I'm starting to work out with her help and my guide's help. She left me to find the important things for myself and wasn't just trying to give me the answer to everything. Some things are simply worthless if they are given to you; some things are just simply more valuable to find on your own and go through the process since the destination is not as important as the actual journey. I think I've started building back up a stronger personality with someone who is making me find the answers myself instead of trying to give it to me. Though taking apart bit by bit the community I was keeping may also be helping my mood a bit. I am starting to be less and less bitter at any rate. I know I still have a long road to go and I'm finding that not everything is easy, but I'm willing to travel it because of my guide's promise.

I'm starting to realize that I really owe Kaylin a lot, more than I can give in return.